Changes

For a week now I have thought on what this next post should be. Should I write about Cloth diapering? How about my journey in to attachment parenting? I could write about the new book I am reading "mommy teach me" by Barbra Curtis, or about my new Etsy store
Up until now I really thought I knew who I was as a Jesus lover and who I was as a parent. Two separate entities living in one, yes crossing paths sometimes but really I think that my parenting kind of ignored my Jesus loving side. It's kind of ridicules if you think about it, since we are in a parent/ child relationship with God. Shouldn't we then base our parenting after him?
This really hit home...
Recently one night I had to run down to the gas station at the bottom of our hill. I drove my husbands car since it was blocking mine and he had the local Christian radio on. Something I never listen to because really I think it is super boring and I NEED to listen to music when I drive. Also I find a lot of the stuff incredibly corny and a lot of the methods seriously out dated.
Anyway, Joyce Meyers was on (someone I hardly ever listen to/watch/read) she was talking to the crowed about how she didn't want them to "cheer" and "amen" there only to leave and not apply anything to their lives. (Of course she got a huge applause for that...) She then began to talk about not losing your testimony specifically with your children. How we may fool the person in the grocery store when we are speaking so nicely to our kids, then we get in the car and start barking at them. (So guilty). Our kids know who we are. We can not hide anything from them, they know exactly where they stand with us and they know what is important to us.
I sat in the car for a good ten minutes just crying at the realization that I am so one of those moms. With a mixture of post partum, a new baby, a new church, a new house, a husband that works 60 hours a week, and a two and a half year old my patience with A has just been so worn. I get upset with her for every little thing especially nap time. Oh man do I lose it at nap time. I end up yelling, she ends up in tears and we both are so over tired and frustrated at that point that we can't stand to be around each other. The mom guilt kills me. It kills me that I just can't keep calm, it kills me even more when I see A copying my behavior. Like when she screams at the dog, and she tells him to "COME HERE NOW." This is not who I want to be, this is NOT who I want my daughter to see.
So how do I change this?Baby steps. The first change that I have made is starting my morning with the girls (after breakfast, changing L, and A going potty of course) is by starting it with reading one verse from the Bible (it comes up on my phone hehe) and praying a simple prayer. We ask God to help A learn to be obedient and to listen. Then we pray that Mommy will be patient and that he will help me to show her and L Gods love. Also that I will be able to teach them all that they can learn (that's for a different post :)
My number one goal is to remain calm and to not raise my voice. I have been doing pretty well, I find that when I am getting really frustrated I can have A either paint to do play dough at the table (my chairs are really tall so she doesn't climb down her self), or I have her play in her room with the gate up. She really loves playing in her room. She has the freedom to do what she wants and I think it really encourages her to use her imagination. This time usually can give me ten minutes to an hour to spend time with L, go on facebook or see the deals going on Zulily/totsy/babysteals, take a nap, do laundry. Anything really to calm the house down. Today I even took a shower, that was a HUGE score!

I guess I will sum up tonight with this, I am raising people, not inconveniences. The choices I make as a parent today will affect them for the rest of their lives. I want them to grow into a loving relationship with our beautiful creator, therefore I MUST MUST MUST show them the respect, grace, mercy, love, and passion that he shows us.
I'm pretty sure he made me short, because he knew of my love for heels!
Bethany
http://www.etsy.com/shop/Gwyneddlesligrace?ref=seller_info. I guess though that I really want to touch on all of these subjects however I feel like I should start with this, God is doing a total gut and start over on my parenting lifestyle.